Official Kenny Powers quotes thread

I'll start...

"Listen here you beautiful bitch, I'm about to fuck you up with some truth."

"There's one image in my life that consistently makes me happy no matter when I think about it. And that image, that one image, is your big tits."

I've been blessed with many things in this life. An arm like a damn rocket, a cock like a Burmese python, and a mind of a fucking scientist.

Interviewer: “So Kenny, how do you like playing in New York?”
Kenny: “You mean Jew York…its fucking great.”

Clegg: "Powers. Step into my office. Let's do some blow."
Kenny Powers: "Finally, motherfucker."

"No offense but you got a shitty job, you're not quite as tall as me, nobody really respects you. Me on the other hand, I got the glory, I get the fame, the money, the jewels, the cash, the Denali, getting drunk on the reg, fuckin good times on the reg, yachts on the reg, sex on the reg, basically all the shit that most men fantasize about."

"I'm the man who has the ball. I'm the man who can throw it faster than fuck. So that is why i am better than everyone in the world. Kiss my ass and suck my dick... everyone."

"Some people say I'm a woman hater. That's not true I love women, every fuckin one of them, even the ugly as shit ones. But don't ask me to trust 'em, not even nuns, because every pair of tits comes with a gaping hole of need that even Kenny Powers can't fill."

Terrence Cutler: "There's something you need to know, Kenny. You're not the only athlete here at Jeff Davis. I happen to be training for a Triathlon right now. Doin' a lot of running, and cycling, swimming. Well you know all about that."
Kenny Powers: "No actually I don't. I do SPORTS. Not try to be the best at exercising."

Girl P.E. Student: "Is it true you were in jail?"
Kenny Powers: "No babe, rehab."
Girl P.E. Student: "Did you hurt yourself?"
Kenny Powers: "No, I didn't hurt myself."
Girl P.E. Student: "'Cause Coach Booth said after his back surgery he has to go to rehab."
Kenny Powers: "Oh okay. Yeah I hurt myself, I hurt my nose."

Kenny Powers' Home Run Fiesta
http://www.uncrate.com/men/gear/ipod-iphone/kenny-powers-home-run-fiesta/

If this was America, you’d have a radar gun, and right now it would read 101.

If there is one thing in this world I cannot stand, it is fucking soccer, all right? And I hate when people do it around me.

"Yeah, this is pretty much me, everyday. Staring at buttholes and getting my buzz on."