To save you a few bucks, here's a little personal bio:
Hello, my name is Rudolph Jeffrey Hernandez, and I am a insanely gorgeous Mexican living in equally beautiful Austin,TX. I hail from the infamous Victoria,TX but slept with a lot of chicks from there, so ultimately had to move. I'm known as "Vulva Mayhem" in three Southern counties. I just got married, and love spoiling my wife with stolen flowers and recycled Hallmark cards I find in the trash. I do a lot of charity work and have made it my life-long duty to be civil to gay people (hence my participation in this forum). Most of my friends are gay but they don't hit on me. Some of them are even getting married to keep up the vibe of being straight.
I weigh about 245lbs but blame most of that on my bloated ego and huge thumbs.
I like food, drugs and eating food while on drugs.
I like hitting people in the mouth with my fists and then taking off my pants and hugging them until they either give me food or drugs.
I prefer food.
I'm 35 (6/29/75) but look 12, which really helps when cutting in line at Chuck E. Cheese.
Fat girls also seem to gravitate towards young looking hispanics with nice hair.
My hair is insured by Sotheby's.
I've been arrested 5 times and earned 11 M.I.P.'s while in high school.
I slept with every head cheerleader while attending Victoria High and was the only freshman I know that went to the Senior prom and got to third base.
I once slept with a "slow" chick, but honestly, she knew what she was doing.
I blame my renowned collection of colognes.
If you would like to know more, please send $19.95, in small bills to my agent, Jason Oliver Williams or the President of my fan club, any girl.
Don't hate the player, hate my cologne.
Currently: L'homme Yves Saint Laurent By Yves Saint
